Journals Network: Advice by Louise Palanker

Her dad is an alcoholic

Q: How do you know if a guy is using you?

Weezy: Generally speaking, if a guy is getting to enjoy your body and not very interested in enjoying your heart and your mind, you are being used.

He hates gay guys… But why?

Her teacher is a creeper

It is extremely harmful to young girls who are trying to grow up into young ladies who understand and respect their bodies to be treated in this fashion by a man. It’s not funny. It is very damaging and it needs to be taken seriously.

If nobody in your school will help you, maybe you or one of your friends would be brave enough to get some video of him doing this and put it up on youtube or send it to your local news station.

You can also try calling the police station and asking if this is a crime. Ask whoever answers the phone what should be done about a teacher who is sexually harassing young girls. 

I know that you may not want to draw attention to yourself while trying to draw attention to this problem but the more people you can gather who are on your side, the stronger you will feel. If you do something to stop this man, as you move forward into the rest of your life, you will know that you can do anything.

She’s 11. Should she tell people she’s bisexual?

Anonymous: I’m 11 years old. I think I’m bisexual. In fact, I’m pretty certain. I have 2 questions about this.

1. Is it okay for me to feel this way? Like, is it just a phase or do you think it might be true?

2. Everyone at my school is freaked out by gays. Well, most ppl aren’t but if you say the word ‘gay’ out loud, they shush you like it’s a forbidden word. I’ve told a lot of ppl I think this way but half of em got no idea what it is. When I tell them they shrug. But when I told 2 ppl (who were dating) they both jokingly said ‘Lezzo!’ and I corrected them. How do I get ppl to know I’m serious?

Thank you Weezy!

Weezy: I don’t think that at age 11 you are obligated to tell anyone that you think you are bisexual. You may want to do so. These feelings are new and you may wish to be honest and share and compare your feelings with those of others. But it is dangerous water. We still live in a world that is confused by anything which strays beyond the status quo… meaning man, woman, children, family. 

Sure we see gay and bi people on TV and the international consciousness is beginning to shift thanks to some brave pioneers with notoriety who stepped forward and said, “Yes, I’m gay.”

But, in small town or neighborhood, USA or you pick the country, it can still be shocking to hear an 11 year old say she is bisexual.

Many adults assume this means sex. Of course we know it does not. It is all about who you love romantically. Sex comes much further down the line, when you are old enough to handle the physical part of a relationship.

But not everyone is enlightened on these issues. Especially other 11 year olds who still snicker and call you silly names.

Continue growing and allowing yourself to feel without labels or judgments. The truth about who you are will reveal itself in time.

Will she go to hell for being gay?

Anonymous:  Hi Weezy. I’m almost positive you’ve already answered this question, but I need help. Will I go to hell for being gay? I’ve researched over and over for answers, but I’ve found different answers. I have a teen bible and under one verse about homosexuality it said “A lot of people think being gay is a lifestyle—it is not. It is a sinful alternative.” This makes me very scared… I found two places in the bible that says homosexuals will go to hell… But in John 3:16 it says something along the lines of “He will love anyone who believes in him.” I’m so confused. I love and believe in God. Im just so confused. Am I committing a sin, does He still love me? Will I go to heaven?

Weezy: God loves you fully and completely. You are going to heaven. I do not wish to disagree with what you are being taught, but when it comes to homosexuality, I simply must. It is extremely damaging and scarring to tell children that if they are gay, if they masturbate, if they use the Lord’s name in vain, (or fill in a sin of your choosing) they are not going to heaven. 

This religious teaching is “fear based,” and I find fear based spiritual constructs to be emotionally harmful and destructive. If you were to read the bible carefully, you would find many, many sins that each of us must claim, day in and day out. 

Please remember that the bible was written by human beings. People who were trying to figure out who we are, why we are here and how we should conduct ourselves. Is the bible the word of God? Was God speaking through the people who composed this verse? That’s what we are taught, and I am not going to argue with this belief, but times change and people change and I believe that God deeply wants us to change and grow and evolve as we learn more about who we are, why we are here and how we are to conduct ourselves. 

I am going to quote for you, an amazing speech, written by Aaron Sorkin for a show called The West Wing. This speech was given by Martin Sheen, who was portraying the fictional President of The United States, Josiah Bartlett as he took on a right wing talk show host, Dr. Jacobs, regarding her belief that homosexuality is a sin:


“BARTLET: I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an “abomination!”
JACOBS: I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
BARTLET: Yes it does. Leviticus!
JACOBS: 18:22.
BARTLET: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I wanted to sell my youngest daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown Sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be?
(Bartlet only waits a second for a response, then plunges on.)
BARTLET: While thinking about that, can I ask another? My chief of staff, Leo McGary, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? Or is it okay to call the police?
(Bartlet barely pauses to take a breath.)
BARTLET: Here’s one that’s really important, because we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you?
(The camera pushes in on the president.)
One last thing. While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building when the president stands, nobody sits.
(Jacobs sees that, in fact, the president is standing and she is the only one in the room sitting. After a moment, she rises, holding her tiny plate of appetizers. After the president exits, Sam Seaborn sternly approaches a thoroughly belittled Jacobs.)
SAM: I’m just … going to take that crab puff.
(Sam snatches Dr. Jacob’s crab puff, then hurries after the president.)”

Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, do better.”  I believe that we, as God’s children are growing up.  We now know better.  We need to do better.  

She likes a player who has already broken her heart.

Anonymous: Ew. I like a player. I dated him last year and he cheated on me for one guy and a girl. We broke up of course. I spent three years not even talking to this guy and then a month ago he called me and said he was sorry and wanted a second chance and would do anything to prove it. I just said I’m over it. And now he’s flirting with me and I’m not the flirty type trust me but I had to restrain myself not to flirt with him. How can you like a guy who cheated on you with two people?! I don’t know he might be playing me. What do I do? I thought I was over him! I saw him for three years without feelings at all. And now I like him! Ew. I like him but I think it’s gross, make any sense? What do I do? Just thinking about it makes me smile then want to puke. Uh, I don’t want to like him. Especially after what he did to me!

Weezy: Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

This boy has shown you who he is. Has he ever proven otherwise? No. He just wants attention.

You are attracted to the excitement of it all and that is natural, but the rest of your being is telling you to resist. It’s a mind/body struggle. Let your mind win with this little concession. Allow yourself to feel flattered. Allow yourself to enjoy the playful flirts, but then draw a line. It’s fun and that is it. He is not the guy for you. He has shown you that.

Ending Self Harm

Anonymous: Sometimes I feel so stupid, and I hurt myself. I beat myself, I cut myself, and I have the bruises to show for it. Sometimes I feel so stupid I don’t have the strength to do anything at all. I have no friends now, and the worst part of that is I used to. But I am SICK of it, and I am NOT going to feel like this anymore! I am a person, I have a life, and by hurting my self I am just ruining it more! I don’t want sympathy, because I am doing it all myself. Yes I am doing because of things that have happened to me, but I have chosen the way that I react to them, and I have chosen to hurt myself more.

Weezy: Read your post back to yourself. You have incredible perception and insight. Awareness and Acknowledgement are not just the first steps toward healing. They are half of the journey.

In each lifetime, we only get one childhood. This is a delicate period of time during which the body, the mind and the emotions are forming. When part of this infrastructure is tipped out of balance during your childhood it’s devastating.

You are trying very hard to right yourself, to get yourself back into balance. But you are going to need the help of steady hands. I know that you know how to reach out for that. I know that you know, in your core, that this is what you need. You are harming yourself and calling yourself names because your circumstances have taught you that this is what you “think” you deserve. It’s not what you “believe.” You “believe” differently. The first step towards “thinking” differently is action. 

Behave your way out of these destructive habits. Pick up your phone and call a helpline, such as:

Self Abuse Finally Ends

800-DONT-CUT

Go see your counselor. Talk to a kind and loving adult. Your story is very common. Far too common. But because other children have faced your struggles, there is so much help and hope for you. And because you are so AWARE of what you are doing, at such a young age, I know that you are heading down a path towards healing.

She lost the love she never had

Karkar: Blaze my ture love dosnt like me.i think about him all the time i need to get my mind off of him im just so depressed that i cant stop thinking about him the song i wrote was about him and how he broke my heart and i wanted revenge aginst him. I need help on breaking away from liking him so much and i need to move on.

Weezy: You will move on.  It’s the day after Christmas and it can feel overwhelming when all of our Christmas dreams don’t come true and we come face to face with a new year, dreaming about the love we don’t have.  These are very common emotions.  This is not your last chance at love.  It was probably your first.  Getting it right on the first try would not be very fair to your heart.  It needs more of a workout to be ready for all the love that life is about to bring your way.  Get ready.  It’s coming!

Her abusive step dad returned for Christmas

Anonymous: I woke up this morning to find that my stepdad is back. He has been gone for 6 months, but it’s not abnormal for him to be gone; he always leaves just never that long before, so I had hopes that this time he would stay gone. You see, he is awful to my mom except when he buys her things for her affection, doesn’t like to commit, has a temper, and only likes me when my mom is around. Of all days for him to make a return, Christmas morning. I feel like this is a lose-both-ways situation; if he’s here, he makes our lives a word I won’t say. When he’s gone, my mom is alone. I’m torn. Any advice on this situation?

Weezy: Just like a kid who can not break out of a bad relationship, your mom is having trouble believing that she deserves better than this guy. When you are alone with her, build up her self esteem. Tell her that for her own sake and for the sake of her family, she needs to move on and find someone that will treat her like the amazing person she is. The older you get, the more heart to hearts you will have with your mom. She needs to be reminded that keeping you safe is a higher priority than “Not being alone.” No person on this earth is alone. We have each other. We have anyone and everyone who wants to be a productive, constructive, supportive and loving part of our lives. It does not need to be a romantic relationship. We do not need to be part of a couple to be whole. We are already whole. A mate is a wonderful but not essential part of life. What is essential is giving our children a sense of consistency and safety. When she takes this guy back, she is robbing you of that. Gently remind her of this and tell her again how wonderful she is and how much better you all deserve to be treated.